She was born in 1917, in rural China, the eldest daughter in a family with 3 sons and 2 daughters. She was privileged to have been given a basic education, in a time when daughters were generally not educated at all. She was raised to be the 'perfect' Chinese wife; to manage the household finances, haggle, cook, clean, sew, embroider, knit, in addition to silence, respect, patience, loyalty and docility.
She married out of the family as a teenager, to a young lad from a few villages away. It was a good match as the lad was an only son and well respected in his village.
She dutifully produced a son and then a daughter. The gods had been provident and the house was filler with laughter from the particularly mischievous son, who was doted upon by the father. Things were good for the family, even though there was much unrest in China in the early 1940's. The Chinese government was weak and the Japanese were expanding their empire into China.
The Japanese pushed southwards and villagers across southern China, buried their valuables and took to the caves and forests, fleeing for their lives, carrying the most precious belongings, food, livestock and children. As they tired, first they discarded their treasures, then their goats, pigs, chickens, cows, then their daughters, then their sons, finally the elderly and infirmed. When they became too tired and weak from lack of nourishment and water, they too often lied down by the roads and perished. She witnessed this all with her husband, son and infant daughter, and both vowed (as many had before) to not discard any part of the family. When the food supplies dwindled, they ferreted around for root vegetables, insects and anything else that can be eaten. The husband cut his own rations, feeding his share to his son.
Miraculously, they all survived and returned the village. The trail of devastation was horrifying. The fields had been burned, houses were pillaged and many villagers had been slaughtered and left to rot. The family had an old stone house with a thick hardwood door. The door had survived the attempts to breach it and bears the scars of the repeated blows. The invaders had left to find easier targets.
After the war, there were the Nationalist, then the Communists and during this, another daughter arrived. The son was sent off to the 'Gold Mountain', as a ward of his uncle. Along with many other immigrants, he was detained for several weeks on Ellis Island, while his identify and health were verified. A second son was soon born, and he will not meet his brother for 28 years.
Tragedy struck as the husband died. As a widow in China, things were difficult. Widows were often poorly treated, sometimes living on the charity of relatives. She adapted with the help of a few close friends and family. When Mao Tse-Tung decided that the nation needed a 'Great Leap' forward, he destroyed family units and diverted produce from the countryside to the city. One friend offered her a bowl of rice to feed her 3 children, an extremely generous act, in a time when millions died from famine. This bowl of rice would cement a bond that lasted over 50 years. Nonetheless, despite this hardship, she survived.
She joined her son and his family, in America in 1975, arriving on Mother's Day. The experience was new and strange. What the average american took for granted (ice cream, television, washing machine, car, reliable electricity, telephone ) was viewed as unimaginable luxuries. I remember that the first night that she spent in America, she slept with the lights on. She didn't realised that you need to swtich them off, because in China, the electricity was cut after dark.
She taught her grandchildren to be proud of their heritage, to respect their elders, to knit, to sew, to cook and in return, she was introduced to soap operas, scratch cards, wrestling, pizza, Paris, London, and Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. Her favourites tv programmes were Days of Our Lives and the Price is Right. She never learned to speak English, but one of her proudest moments was getting her citizenship in 1996.
Her concern was always to her family. My wedding was on a chilly, overcast spring day and she draped her sweater over my shoulders, incase I was cold. My granny always carried a spare sweater, and a stack of tissues with her, just in case.
She was a simple woman, more comfortable in polyester than silk and trousers to skirts. She was fond of browns, navies and blacks for their ability to repel dirt over any aesthetic qualities. It took her 10 years to overcome her motion sickness in travelling in cars and she took great pleasures from the annual family outings in autumn to go pick apples in upstate New York.
My granny was a proud lady. She never complained and her family was the most important thing to her. She was diagnosed with inoperative cancer 5 years ago. The doctors gave her 3 months. Chemo was out of the question due to her advance age. Her illness was treated with a combination of western medicines and chinese herbs. Homeopathic treatments have a long history in China. She lived to see her grandson get married and my nephew's birth. In her generation, it is so important to perpetuate the family name.
My grandmother was one of the most influential people in my life and I will always miss her. She played a big part in each of her 9 grandchildren's future. I am so fortunate to have met this proud, loving woman, that had endured so much hardship, but always overcame it. In the end, she beat the cancer too, dying in her sleep on the 29th of Jan.